Whether you are raising children of your own or you work with children, it is helpful to understand what kind of an adult children need to develop at their greatest potential. Of course, no one is perfect; however, we can learn a few helpful guidelines that will make the process go so much better for everyone!
What type of parenting style did your parents have? Were they authoritarian- where life was like, “don’t do as I do, just do as I say?” Or maybe they were more permissive- the kind that just want to be your best friend all the time. Or maybe they were the overly-protective type that protected you from any possible mishap or did everything for you. All of these styles are hindrances to a child’s best development. The best style of parenting is the authoritative style. This type of parent remembers what it was like to be a child, respects the child as a unique human being, yet understands that a child needs quiet guidance in learning right from wrong, self-control, and social etiquette. Done the right way, the child can learn these things while also gaining healthy self-confidence and esteem.
So, how do we accomplish this? The first thing the adult must do is empathize with the child. We do this by remembering how childhood was for us. We take the perspective of a child. What was it like? Can you remember? How was it when you made a mistake? Did you have older siblings that you wanted to be just like? How did it feel when they left you out of activities they were involved in? Thinking about these things are helpful when relating to children because they feel the same things now that you and I felt way back then. This builds empathy between the adult and the child.
This also leads to the second thing the adult needs: respect for the child. This child is a unique human being. And childhood is a unique time in a human’s life. Children are not little adults. Did you know that the child’s personality is in formation during the first six years of his or her life? Early childhood is such an important time in an individual’s life- it cannot be recaptured. If the child does not receive the empathy and respect he or she needs and deserves, it cannot be attained at another time. All that can be done is to attempt to repair any damage done. It is so, so important! Repecting the child means acknowledging that they have their own personalities, emotions, needs, and wants- albeit they may be immature. Nonetheless, we would do well to bear this in mind when working with children. Giving children respect along with proper guidance will go far in building a child’s personality in a healthy way and establishing the foundation for further growth in self-confidence and esteem.
So, let’s sum this up. How do we become the adult that our children, or the children around us, need for healthy development? Remember: we have to be able to relate to them and understand them on their level. We do this by empathizing with them and thinking back on how it was in our own childhood. Then we can show them the respect that they need and deserve: that they are unique human beings in a unique time in their lives in which they need caring, compassionate, and consistent guidance while they travel the path of their young lives.
